Does he have someone else in his life? Does he even care that I exist, much less in his life, but in this same house?
Why doesn’t he care about my feelings? Then why did he commit to me? Are we done
Questions like these often come to mind when we feel ignored. But wait! Instead of trying to check his phone to confirm your doubts, it is better to see Po * n. If you can’t find anything else to do, that means …
Studies suggest that certain people resort to silent treatment in long-term relationships because they believe that their partner should simply know why they are upset. Research shows that people who are treated in silence report threats to their belonging, self-esteem, and meaningful existence. And in worse cases, they tried to end relationships with their marginalizing partners.
I was often a desperato and felt like a victim of loneliness. I had housework and children for the most part. But then this feeling of emptiness lurked around me and gave me cold looks that made me burst into tears at every thought that he was ignoring me.
I longed for it so much, loud belly laughs and also these relaxed late afternoon walks in suitable weather, holding hands in quiet residential areas. Don’t i deserve it? Why isn’t he so into me?
So … what did I end up doing?
I started enjoying life my way and guess what? I don’t care now if he ignores me or tries to avoid me.
Spoiler: The truth was, he didn’t avoid me or anything. It just so happened that I needed myself to hold back during these times. Not too surprising, is it?
Fact: It’s okay to be ignored or feel neglected in a relationship, but not too much. Maybe he’s a narcissist or just an introvert who doesn’t want to show his anger and cuts off communication?
. . .
The 5 things I did to pick myself up when I felt down or let down? And so should you.
1. Stop responding
When I understand that I had a life before this relationship, life must go on now and in the future, whatever the case.
My first finding – I let someone’s attitude dictate my state of mind. Whenever I had an argument with my parents, we made up at some point. It was usually because I had it my way. But in a relationship with anyone other than my parents, my yelling is not taken seriously … but very seriously. So serious that the situation is getting worse.
So at the slightest hint of irritation, I decided to stop reacting (or overreacting! If you ask my “calm and introverted” partner) when I felt like I was being neglected.
Was it difficult? I swear over my favorite Mozorella pizza, it felt damn impossible.
But it is possible and definitely worth it.
. . .
2. Discover new interests
I’ve seen a lot of carefree shows. My fallback options included watching sitcoms or romcoms on my must-watch list. Before you deregister me as an adult child with binge-watching, these have certainly helped me to take life lightly. And I would even recommend some stand up comedy shows that you like. You can find hundreds on YouTube.
I read books, listen to audio books and podcasts. Books have been my best friends since I was a kid. So I turned to them as if of second nature. Stories fascinated, shocked, surprised, and preoccupied me. It mainly distracted me from thoughts that I felt neglected. I felt drawn into lives other than mine. Who are not fans of good stories, well told?
Add running. I run 5km at least three times a week, with an audio book or podcast for the company and how time goes by.
I stopped depending on others for happiness. Instead I made my own and understood – Happiness is a state of mind. I have also developed a mindset of gratitude and abundance. I am grateful for the things I took for granted and believed I had enough to lead a full life.
So often we just have to take a step back and look around. Ignore ignorance. Stop responding and distract yourself with your other better interests.
. . .
3. Upskill to Kill (negative thoughts)
I stumbled upon copywriting when I started my journey of self-discovery and discovered my interests. I am fascinated by the thoughts and ideas behind great ad campaigns, the evolution of ads from print and mail order ads to the crowded advertising market. The psychological triggers used in advertising and the great pleasure of seeing it work made me a copywriting student.
Opting for copywriting is something I wanted to pursue. I’ve taken courses in creative writing, compelling writing, web design, and marketing. Then I created a portfolio website and started building my own thing.
A lazy mind is the devil’s workshop and a busy mind is an angel’s workshop.
Yes, I invented the 2nd part of the proverb and I’m happy to report that it is true.
It’s depressing when your spouse or partner neglects you, but you barely notice that you are being ignored when you have 10 other things to do. Keep yourself busy and you won’t have time to worry about why he’s keeping you quiet.
It is spiritually liberating to work purposefully. What is your superpower Find the meaning of your life. No, it shouldn’t be your partner’s feast for the eyes.
. . .
4. Set goals and find a tribe
I set goals for myself – writing goals, reading goals, parenting goals, and self-care goals. They take me on a journey every day and I hardly find time to worry about anything more. Instead, goals shed some light on where I’m going and tell me what to do next.
There are (many) days when I miss every goal I set and hate myself. I’m thinking about the “why” should I do it? I give myself a bad rap that I would be better off with my old 9-5. But even so, a walk or a good cheer will get me back on track.
The convenience of working from home, being around kids when they need me, and the limitless opportunities I have when working for myself give the adrenaline rush and the incentive to stay tuned .
I interact with many writers in writing and copywriting groups who understand my problems better than my spouse. They are my safe haven for discussing problems, grumbling about bad customers, celebrating victories, and getting some mojo.
Your partner may seem indifferent to your needs mainly because they don’t understand them. Go find your tribe.
. . .
5. Go away and peace out
I know it’s obvious, but sometimes you have to listen to it. Ignoring the person who is ignoring you works like a charm to get attention back most of the time. But there’s no point holding onto a narcissist for too long only to end up feeling like trash. Save those tears and harsh feelings for something of value and move on. You will thank yourself and realize that you have saved yourself a lot of unnecessary arrogance and neglect for no reason.
Leaving when you’re emotionally attached to someone is easier said than done. When I want to get rid of emotional hurt, I always think about days before I met this person and how much better my life was. I love myself more than any goddamn loser there is. A relationship with too much uncomfortable calm won’t last long anyway.
I would say – cry as much as you want, but you really know that they are the ones who are losing the chance to be in your life. I keep telling myself get well soon from bad garbage, and it helps me heal emotional wounds faster.
. . .
In summary, the following has helped me overcome the feeling of neglect and feel loved again.
- Since I was aware of my individuality, I stopped fucking unnecessary things and people.
- I filled my day with the things that I liked best. For example while watching or listening to my favorite comedy shows, motivational books and podcasts.
- Invest (time, effort and money, honey) in life skills that will help me grow without getting stuck or feeling like I’m sucking.
- Setting goals to take me one step further to what I want to be.
- Believing that I am not always the problem and that the world is big enough to find another understanding person or just to love myself is good enough.
. . .
We often encounter miserable situations that we long for but fail to get the attention of the people we love. During these times, always remember that you did not take anyone with you into the world, which means that you are enough for yourself.
Stop pouting and feeling ignored at the silent treatment. Be there for yourself. You will do better than if you are in an energy draining relationship. Tell me how you deal with the stuffy silence.
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This post was previously posted on Hello, Love.
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