Most of us start loving a child as soon as we find out that we are pregnant.
Love grows as the child within us grows. We dream about what they will look like and whether they will be a boy or a girl. We may already have a name in mind for them before they are even conceived.
Love gets deeper every day. We think about her all the time and fall deeply in love. If there is a miscarriage and we lose the baby, it can be devastating. Because we loved this little person even though we hadn’t met him yet.
With deep love comes deep sorrow. Our hearts break because the one we loved is gone. The day we longed to hold her, count fingers and toes, and celebrate her birth is over. It can be hard to understand.
When I lost a baby in the sixth week of pregnancy, I was hurt, but also angry. I wanted the baby so badly and didn’t understand why God allowed a miscarriage. It didn’t seem fair. Of course, at the time, I was mentally immature and had a fit of anger like a spoiled toddler in the grocery store might do. I haven’t spoken to God for a couple of weeks.
Recently my daughter-in-law went into labor at 21 weeks and gave birth to our sweet granddaughter Nora prematurely. She lived almost two hours, but at that point could not survive. The deep sadness was overwhelming because we had fallen madly in love with her. An ultrasound photo a few weeks earlier captured a big smile and a wave. Precious.
We were able to hold Nora before she died. Holding her and knowing she would not survive was a terrible experience. She was perfectly healthy. Just born prematurely.
Why should God give and then take away?
We may never know the answer until we get to Heaven, but while in this fallen world we will experience losses, including the loss of our beloved little ones. Whether it’s a miscarriage or a birth that the child cannot survive on on its own, it’s a sad part of life.
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his infallible love. For he will not willingly bring grief or distress to anyone. Lamentations 3: 32-33
Knowing what to say to someone who has just lost a baby can be difficult. Here are a few thoughts from us who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss, as well as a comforting prayer for a miscarriage to all concerned.
What to say to someone who has had a miscarriage
The best way to express your compassion is with simple words.
- “This is terrible and I am so sorry.”
- “I’m sorry for what you are going through.”
- “I know it hurts. I pray for you.”
- “Please know I’ll be here if you need to talk.”
What not to say to someone who has had a miscarriage
Don’t try to assign reasons or explain things. Someone in deep sadness does not want to hear explanations unless they come from their doctor as to why they lost their child. You need to know that others care about what they’re going through, not that they might know why it happened.
Try to avoid these sentences say:
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “God will not give more than you can handle.”
- “You are still young. There is plenty of time for children. “
- “I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”
- “God knows what he’s doing.”
- “There was probably something wrong with it, or it was probably for the best.”
Actions can say more than words:
- Make an effort to show compassion by attending the funeral (if you have one).
- Make yourself available in other ways. This can be very helpful for the grieving parents.
- Allow parents to share their story if they choose to do so in their free time.
- Use a miscarriage prayer below to guide your empathy and lift up the injured family.
Bible verses comforting for miscarriages
Since you do not know the way of the wind or how the body is formed in the womb, you cannot understand the work of God, the Creator of all things. Ecclesiastes 11: 5
And my God will meet all your needs for the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19
God is our refuge and strength, an omnipresent help in need. That is why we will not be afraid, even if the earth gives way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, even if its waters rustle and foam and the mountains shake with their waves. Psalm 46 1: 3
Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born, I separated you; I have made you a prophet to the nations. Jeremiah 1: 5
Because you created my inner being; You knitted me together in my mother’s lap. I praise you because I am made terrible and wonderful; your works are wonderful, I know that very well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was created in a secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my shapeless body; all the days meant for me were written in your book before any of them came. Psalm 139: 13-16
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for such is the kingdom of heaven” Matthew 19:14
Prayer for Miscarriage: A Prayer for Parents
Thank you so much for the parents of this precious baby. Heal their broken hearts and strengthen their faith through this storm. Help them find solace not only in your word, but also in the words of friends or family who have experienced the same pain. Draw them closer to you through this tragedy and reveal yourself to them in their distress.
In the mighty name of Jesus, amen.
“I told you these things so that you would have peace in me. In this world you will have trouble. But take courage! I have overcome the world. ”John 16:33
Prayer for Miscarriage: A Prayer for the Family
Thank you for being with us during this devastating time. Our hearts are crushed. We don’t understand why we lost this child. But we trust that you will get us through.
In the mighty and mighty name of Jesus, amen.
The Lord is near to the broken and saves the broken Psalm 34:18
Prayer for Miscarriage: A Prayer for the Baby
Thank you for this precious little one. Although our hopes for this child’s life have not been fulfilled, we know that you are in control. Your thoughts are not our thoughts and your ways are not our ways. It’s hard for us to understand, but we know that our sweet baby is with you in heaven and one day we will be able to meet her face to face. We look forward to the time we can hold her in our arms and give her the love we have longed for so much.
In the name of Jesus, amen.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts and your ways are not my ways,” says the Lord. “As heaven is higher than earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55: 8-9
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Photo credit: © GettyImages / fizkes
Melinda Eye Cooper grew up in the Missouri Ozarks but lives near Nashville, Tennessee. She and her husband have three sons, two daughters-in-law and three beautiful granddaughters – and a brave dog named Lincoln!
Melinda writes articles and devotions. She also writes fiction and is currently working on a middle class fantasy novel. She grew up in a large family and many of her addictions and stories are inspired by her childhood.
Visit their website here. You can follow her here on Facebook or here on Instagram.