“May Allah have mercy on your mother. In life I loved you very much, in death I still love you. ‘
Image source: Abdulla Rasheed / Gulf News
Almost a week has passed since your death and I have avoided it and am afraid to enter your house, may Allah have mercy on you. Again and again I went near the door, but came back out of fear and horror … my steps were heavy and my courage betrayed me, so I couldn’t open your door and kept going. Not seeing your face anymore breaks me apart every day.
Today I gathered myself and entered my mother’s house for the first time after her death, may Allah have mercy on her. Surprisingly, I found my pictures with her among her scattered papers when she visited me in America! My mother was photographed with me in my small apartment in Virginia when I put a piece of food in her mouth. In another picture she was with me in Washington in front of the White House.
I couldn’t control myself, I collected the light and dearest things that were close to my heart: the Koran, which she read; some petition books; the rosaries with which she praised Allah; the gloves she loved with the scent of her clean hands; the prayer shawl; the prayer rug she spread out in front of her bed to pray; the blanket and sheet; the stick on which she leaned; the can of painkillers and the ointment I rubbed her feet with when I visited her.
I turned around in her room, but found that I was standing in front of walls, doors and ceilings from which the soul emerged and withered like autumn leaves.
I couldn’t help it. I was struck deep in my soul. A lump choked my chest and tears were trapped in my eyes. After a moment, burning tears flowed down my face. They were the most precious and heaviest tears: Losing you was bitter; the pain cut me to the core. I cried until tears flowed and then cried more.
Today I gathered myself and entered my mother’s house for the first time after her death, may Allah have mercy on her. Surprisingly, I found my pictures with her among her scattered papers when she visited me in America!
Image source: Abdulla Rasheed / Gulf News
May Allah have mercy on your mother. In life I loved you very much, In death I still love you. In my heart you have a place that no one else can ever take.
Mother, I look around your room: the corner where you played with your son Abdulla. A very deep, painful and frightening silence scares me. I tried to pronounce your name a couple of times. But all I have here are memories and your pictures. Your memory is my memory that I will never part with. Allah has chosen you to take care of him. I have you in my heart until the last second of my life … Oh mother who lost you, I lost the ultimate love I will ever get.
These special memories of you will always cause me deep pain. The fact that you are no longer here will always cause me pain, but you are in my heart until we meet again.
Dearest mother, it has been a long time since I last heard your breath in the hospital. Still, I hear this sound in my soul.
Oh, Almighty Allah, I thank you for the life of my mother who has blessed my life and drawn me closer to you through her appreciation. You know the emptiness in my heart when I mourn my mother. May my faith comfort me that one day we will be united in your kingdom where there will be no more sorrow or pain.